THE CHALLENGING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CLIMBING PARENTS AND COACHES

"This can't be happening. What was he/she thinking?"

Such statements from parents of young athletes are heard thousands of times at climbing competitions and training sessions. Whether whispered or openly expressed, parents often criticize a coach's training methods, tactics, or choices. This relationship is essential, especially in youth climbing development, and deserves more attention.

But it’s not just the parents—coaches, too, can often be heard critiquing the parents.

The Parents-Coach Relationship in Climbing

As a climbing coach, particularly in the early stages of an athlete's journey, you frequently interact with parents. As guardians, parents naturally want the best for their children. They often act as chauffeurs, supporters, sponsors, advisors, psychologists, organizers, and sometimes even as a small medical team. However, as a climber progresses, the coach's role becomes increasingly significant.

To better understand how this relationship evolves and the kind of support climbers need throughout their careers, we can break it down into three phases, inspired by Salmela's career development model:

1. Phase I – The Beginning

2. Phase II – Development

3. Phase III – Mastery

Phase I – The Beginning

In this phase, a climber begins climbing purely for fun. The role of parents here is to nurture this joy and ensure that their child has the necessary resources to participate in climbing activities, whether it’s organizing transportation to the gym or providing gear.

As a coach, you're also not focused on strict competition at this stage. Instead, the goal is to make the training enjoyable and playful, fostering a love for the sport.

One frequent challenge during this phase arises when a parent also assumes the role of the coach. In such cases, it’s important to maintain clear boundaries during training, showing the child that there’s a distinction between parental guidance and coaching. This ensures that all kids are treated equally and feel supported.

Conflicts can also arise between parents and coaches. Some parents may be overly ambitious, pushing their children beyond their capabilities, or they might have significant climbing experience themselves, which can put pressure on the coach. In these situations, it's crucial to strike a balance between confidence in your role and respect for the parent's experience.

Handling Experienced Climbing Parents

Imagine a situation where a young climber, let’s call her Alison, comes to your gym twice a week with her mother. Alison's mother used to be a national-level climber but has long since left the competitive scene. She frequently comments on your training approach, suggesting specific drills or exercises because she’s practiced them with her daughter.

As a coach, remain composed. You are the qualified trainer, and it’s important to trust your expertise. At the same time, recognize that no coach is perfect, and there’s always room for learning. A constructive approach would be to explain the training methodology of your program and how it’s designed for long-term climber development. Then, invite the parent’s input, asking questions about their experiences and aligning them with your current strategy. This not only respects their expertise but also ensures clarity in your coaching approach.

The same approach works for parents. You love your child deeply and want the best for them, but there’s always room for learning—and no parent is perfect. A constructive approach will ensure the best possible support for your child.

Navigating relationships between climbing parents and coaches can be challenging. It’s essential to keep both perspectives in mind:

What are the expectations and viewpoints of each role?

This approach can help prevent frustrations and foster cooperation. Open communication and acceptance of differing viewpoints are crucial. At the same time, it’s important to maintain clear boundaries between climbing-related and personal decisions. Establishing guidelines, such as setting respectful distances during training or competitions and ensuring that parents respect one another, even in competitive environments, can also be highly beneficial.

By maintaining this balance, you will not only improve the relationship between parents and coaches but also help foster a positive environment for young climbers to grow and thrive.

Phase II – Development

In the second phase of a young climber’s career, the focus shifts to deeper development within the sport. Up until this point, the child may have dabbled in other sports, trying out different activities. However, as they progress, climbing begins to take center stage. This is due to the increasing amount of training required and the growing sense of belonging within their climbing community.

As a coach, you start taking on responsibilities that were once primarily handled by the parents. While parents continue to provide logistical support, such as driving their child to the gym and offering financial backing, they become less involved in the technical aspects of the sport. During this phase, the coach often becomes a more central figure in the climber's life, while the role of the parent gradually shifts to the background.

At the same time, young climbers start setting their own goals and discussing them directly with their coach. Parents, who were once more involved, may struggle with this transition and (understandably) might feel left out. They may try to assert their own ideas or expectations, sometimes projecting their personal goals onto their child. This can create pressure rather than motivation for the young climber.

The Changing Role of Parents and the Risk of Drop-Out

As a coach, it’s crucial to remind parents of their core roles: providing emotional support and ensuring that their child has the means to train and compete. It’s also important to give parents time to adjust to their child seeking advice from others.

Both parents and coaches should be aware of the risk of a "drop-out." When young climbers face pressure, conflict, or overwhelming expectations—whether from parents or coaches—their connection to the sport can weaken. If they stop finding joy and fulfillment in climbing, they may choose to quit, often before they’ve reached their full potential.

Phase III – Mastery

If a young climber successfully navigates the first two phases, they enter **Phase III – Mastery**, which represents the peak of their athletic performance. This stage is characterized by a high level of professionalism. Coaches and advisors now play a central role in the climber’s development. On a competitive level, climbers may receive financial support from sponsorships or national team funding, making parental financial contributions less necessary.

As climbers seek out more advanced training opportunities, they may move to new locations to train with top-level athletes. This can create physical and emotional distance between the climber and their parents. In this context, the coach often takes on a parental role, providing not only technical guidance but also emotional support.

As a coach, it’s important to be clear with the climber about the role you're playing at any given moment. This distinction is especially critical if the coach is also a parent. Is the advice coming from the perspective of a coach or as a parental figure? Clear communication is key to avoid misunderstandings and ensure the climber knows where the feedback is coming from.

When Parental Pressure Increases

There are cases where parents, over the course of their child's climbing career, become technically knowledgeable about the sport. They may position themselves as an expert advisor to their child, which can sometimes lead to added pressure. Parents may remind their child of the sacrifices they’ve made, expecting gratitude to translate into compliance with their suggestions: "We’ve done so much for you; the least you can do is follow our advice."

These kinds of statements are common in athlete households. As a coach, you can act as a mediator, encouraging the climber to discuss their decisions openly with their parents, gathering input but ultimately making their own choices based on what’s best for their development.

Join the Climbing Parents Circle!

We understand that being a climbing parent can be both rewarding and challenging. That’s why we’ve created the Climbing Parents Circle – a supportive community designed to guide you through every phase of your child’s climbing journey. Whether you're navigating early development or balancing the growing demands of competition, our Circle provides valuable insights, expert advice, and a network of like-minded parents.

Let’s work together to create the best possible environment for your child’s climbing success. Join us today and be a part of this exciting new community!