SHAME AND VULNERABILITY IN THE CLIMBING COMMUNITY
I love how the climbing community has become more open over the past years – particularly over subjects that normally, in many cases of our society still create a lot of shame or isn't talked about that much.
Pro athletes such as Kai Lightner, Beth Rodden, Molly Mitchell, Mina Leslie-Wujastik, Claire Buhrfeind, Hannah Schubert or Jule Wurm have started to openly talk about mental or physical health issues, problems they have had to face or mental struggles they have had in their life as a professional athlete. In a society where topics like this are still swept under the table, this honesty requires a big amount of courage.
We are all vulnerable – both physically and mentally. Vulnerability is an inevitable part of life and a deeply human experience. Vulnerability should not be seen as a bad thing, but rather as an admirable strength that is the key to a more fulfilling life. As said earlier, there is a change in society at the moment, and also the climbing community is affected by it: Us humans are tired of constantly striving for perfection and success. Sharing and admitting failures and defeats has been left off the agenda for far too long. We are starved for authenticity and the idea is gaining ground that failure and errors on the path to success are part of it.
What exactly is vulnerability?
Whenever we ask for help, for forgiveness, when we admit our own mistakes and failures, we allow vulnerability. Also the first time, we say "I love you". When we start something new – like your own business or work as a coach for the first time. When we introduce a new idea, a new course, something we have created or thought of and probably put a lot of energy and thought into. To approach somebody. Express our opinion (on Social Media where everyone can read it – particularly if we have many followers... but also with a smaller amount of followers). When we fail in what we aimed for, failed in front of others (like a big audience at a climbing comp). When we allow us to be seen for who we are. When we jump into the cold water, doing something new and maybe crazy. Risking to be ashamed, rejected and devalued. If we're being honest, potential shame and hurt lurks everywhere. On the other hand, not to avoid it, but to show ourselves and dare, means to allow vulnerability. We can learn from the courage to show ourselves with our own feelings and grow with it. Vulnerability lets us be who we are. It is important to live a sincere, authentic and fulfilling life!
Ask yourself, what's the cost of not being your sincere and authentic self? How would this affect you as a human being and as a climber? What would that mean for the climbing community?
No one of us want to be vulnerable. Of course, we try to avoid moments of vulnerability at all costs. We avoid situations in which we might encounter rejection (that's an absolutely normal human behaviour because humans naturally strive for acceptance). We prefer not to show weakness and not ask for help. We play it safe to avoid disappointment and pain. If we still get into such situations, we try to hide our vulnerability and not let our feelings show. In addition, there are some protective mechanisms which are prevalent in our society to escape our vulnerability. With the help of perfectionism, we try to control and eliminate any uncertainty in our life. Follow a strict training plan, meditate for 30 minutes a day, only share sunny pages on Social Media – perfectionist behaviours and the optimization mania of our society make us supposedly inviolable. We believe that when we strive for imperfection and perfection and have everything under control, we are invulnerable. Others cannot harm us then. But is that true? Our fear of getting hurt could lead to us keeping our feelings to ourselves and not show ourselves as we are. But then we are also less tangible for others. A feeling of belonging can only arise, however, if we do not ignore our vulnerable sides.
I recently had a really interesting experience from one of my sport psychology classes at school where only youth athletes with high potential in their sport may attend. The majority of the class was male athletes. That day's topic was: personality of a pro athlete and we started this topic by discussing the following questions:
What defines pro athletes?
What differentiates them from others?
Do they have a role model, and if yes, what was it that they found so impressive and inspiring about them?
Why were they role models to them?
The discussions started of with everyone naming highly successful athletes and naming their success, the prices they have won and the fame they have reached as some of their main reasons why they were such role models to them. However, when we started digging deeper and the discussion lasted longer, all of a sudden there was a shift to what they really found this impressive and inspiring. The longer they thought about it, it wasn't only their success, their fame, the money or other superficial, external factors they admired. It was their attitude, how they perceived their role models to be still down-to-earth – despite their success, how they were hard-working, determined, motivated. Also how they never gave up, they kept pushing themselves... and most importantly, they were open-minded and vulnerable people. Yes, they actually weren't just "stars", they were "normal people" – just like you and me. We continued the discussion to how it would be if they were one day such role models to others. How would they liked to be perceived. And what stood out, among all other comments, was – again and again – to be a person, others can relate to. To be an open-minded human being who makes mistakes, who are true to themselves and honest with others. Human beings that are open and vulnerable.