THE CONFIDENCE GAP BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
We all know amazing, inspiring female climbers who have achieved incredible things, who have a great technique and dedicate a good portion of their time to perfecting their skills. Women can’t rely on their physical strength as much as men can, which is why they need to practice their technique from the very start. Even recreational climbers have a great set of skills.
However, when we listen to climbers talk about their strengths and weaknesses, we might have realised that women tend to criticize themselves a lot more, focusing on what they can’t do (yet), what they’re bad at and what mistakes they’ve made. In contrast, male climbers seem to be proud of how far they have already come, they talk more easily and more often about their achievements and what they’re capable of. The interesting fact is that this difference in confidence doesn’t only occur in climbing, but in almost every aspect of life.
But why is it that we find such self-doubts more often in women than in men?
One reason is that women tend to externalize their success. When you ask a female climber why she climbed that route so well or why she did so well in a competition, she would probably answer something like “I guess I had a good day”, “I was really lucky” or “A friend of mine/my coach gave me some tips how to do it”. If you were to ask a male climber the same question, your chances are higher that your answer will sound more like “Because I did a good job” or “I trained really hard for this”. Men cannot only accept the fact that they are talented or worked hard for their achievements, but also are not afraid to say it out loud. Women, however, tend to feel ashamed when they should talk about what their strengths are and what they are proud of.
Where does that come from that women feel the need to downplay their achievements?
Women are taught from a young age that they should be pretty but quiet. Nice and kind but never loud or aggressive. A girl should never start a fight, just like the saying “the wiser gives in”. Girls are mostly praised by teachers and parents if they are “well-behaved” and get good grades. Taking risks and failing is just not something a girl should do. It’s different, however, for boys: They are expected to give their opinion and fight for it – of course, they can’t always win. It’s okay for a boy to fail as long as he stands up for himself, even if it’s an aggressive kind of way (Martin, 1995). Let’s take children’s literature for example: the men are generally strong, confident and most of the time financially well situated. The most prominent feature for women is their physical appearance and their good manners. Women are often portrayed as princesses. The confident strong women are often depicted as cruel witches that need to fall to ensure the happy end. Of course, there are exceptions like Mulan, Pippi Longstocking, Madita, Anne with an E and more. But to this day, strong women as leading characters remain a rare sight.
The impression that women tend to think their performance is not good enough might be due to the fact that women really need to bring more to the table than men to succeed. In general, stereotypes lead to different perceptions of competence in men and women. You might have noticed yourself that at first lower standards are applied for women. Have you ever received compliments for your climbing technique or the difficulty of your routes while your male friends haven’t – even though they climb just as good as you do? This is because women are not expected to be as competent as men, whether it is climbing, a job interview or just an everyday task. Talking about the latter: shouldn’t it be easier for women then to get a high-paying job, when they are just as competent as men? Unfortunately, it is quite the opposite in this case. For some reason, the standard for women and men shifts when it comes to achieving something. Women have to bring more evidence for their competence than men do to get the job or simply to be taken seriously (Biernat & Fuegen, 2002).
To be fair, it is not just society that gives men a better opportunity to become more confident. This difference is also driven by the male hormone testosterone. High levels of testosterone lead to more competitiveness, risk-taking and furthermore to more confidence in one’s skills (Eisenegger et al., 2017). This means that generally speaking men have a hormonal advantage when it comes to building confidence. Luckily our hormones don’t limit us when it comes to self-confidence, meaning that women still can build a healthy confidence with enough time and effort.
However, what if women were to be more confident in themselves and put them and their needs first?
There is another thing we have to consider when talking about the difference in confidence between men and women and the impact our society has: Studies have shown that women that show “masculine” traits like confidence, courageousness and a strong-will are perceived to be less likeable. Simply because they do not fit gender stereotypes. So without us being aware of the reasons behind, women often feel like they have to choose between being respected and being liked.
What is most important though is the way we ourselves. And being confident in our skills and our achievements is a good way to liking ourselves. Don’t be afraid to tell yourself “I did a great job today” and call out those people that think women shouldn’t be affirmative of themselves. This will not only lead to more self-confidence but also will make people perceive you as more competent and will decrease the use of gender stereotypes – at least towards you (Glick et al. 2004). So don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself – you deserve to.
Let us know in the comments about your experiences. Have you perceived a difference between men and women and their confidence in climbing?