In our last blog post, we took a close look at social comparison, its effect and approaches to stop comparison behaviours from a psychological viewpoint. When we notice that our comparison behaviour causes us harm in terms of our confidence or self-worth – it might be time to take a step back. So today, we want to talk how we could better deal with social comparisons.

How can we better deal with social comparisons?

When we become aware that we doubt ourselves, have low confidence, shy away from opportunities, and have low self-confidence, because of our comparing behaviour, we have already reached a big step. Noticing and becoming aware of the behaviour that is causing us harm, is a crucial step in order to change something about our behaviour.

When you notice you are "cherry-picking" people's strengths, it can be helpful to look at the people more holistically. Also think about their flaws and about your personal (time) resources realistically. We then often realise that it is not possible to reach this level of mastery and perfection in all aspects – and that is totally fine. We don’t need to be experts or masters in all aspects of life. 

Another helpful tool that can be very helpful to stop comparison is mindfulness.Being mindful means to become aware of our thoughts and emotions, of the objects around us, noises, sensations. It means being present with our mind and experiencing things around us WITHOUT any judgment. This simple change of mind will allow us to take another perspective on situations without really changing anything physical or visible. However, the simple task of NOT judging something can be very difficult, particularly at the beginning. Those of you who have tried this before probably know how hard it is.

Let’s bring in an example to demonstrate how this approach can help: You are at the gym and compare yourself to Jamie, who is much stronger, better, more experienced in climbing than you are. You feel insecure about your climbing abilities, doubt your self-worth and are in a bad mood, because you feel weak and unimportant. 

If you then want to apply this technique it could look like this: 

🧗🏾 Take a deep breath. Notice that you are comparing yourself to Jamie, which makes you feel small, insecure and unworthy. 

🧗🏾‍♂️ Notice how your body language is showing this. 

🧗🏾‍♂️ Take another deep breath and remind yourself that you are not any less worth than Jamie. 

🧗🏾‍♂️ Remind yourself that right in this moment you want to be present here at climbing and enjoy yourself. 

🧗🏾‍♂️ Put your energy towards the present. Look around and notice what you can see, hear, feel and smell. 

🧗🏾‍♂️ Come back to the present moment and "out of your head".

At this point, we have to mention that being in the present moment can be very difficult – we therefore need to practice it. The more often we detect our mind judging ourselves, a situation or an emotion, the more opportunities to practice mindfulness we get. The space between the trigger (social comparison to superior) and the reaction (feeling bad about yourself), which is created by awareness, is the opportunity to intervene and create positive change.

Positive affirmations to stop social comparisons

Positive affirmations – or self talk – is one of the most powerful mental tools you can have in your mental toolbox. It can also help you when you notice that you are comparing yourself to others and feel bad about it.  Positive self-affirmations remind us of the psychological resources we have – beyond a particular situation and broaden our perspective beyond it. 

In order for affirmations to work, they need to be accurate and feel right for you. This means, everyone of us will find different affirmations helpful. To discover which affirmation works for you, you can take a look at the specific situation in which you feel affected by comparison. Try to understand the negative self-belief that makes you feel bad about yourself, e.g. “I am only worthy/loveable/worth other peoples' time when I am strong, smart, beautiful,…”. Then, try to reframe this into a positive mantra that combats this negative belief. This mantra should feel right to you. You might notice that little tweaks in phrasing change your feeling for the affirmation.

Let’s use an example again to explain, how this could work: Imagine there is this particular climber at the gym, with whom you always compare yourself and who always makes you feel bad about yourself. Next time you go to the gym, remember this mental tool.

A positive self-affirmation (e.g. “I am worthy no matter how hard I climb.”) can help us to see the threat (e.g. “I might fail and not send this route.”) and remind us to stay process-oriented (“I am going to try this route and give my best even though I might not succeed.”) because that we know that it will not change ourselves.

You can also write your mantra/positive affirmation down, put it in your pocket and look at it when you need it. You can say this sentence to yourself in your head, or out loud, whispering, or in the bathroom during a climbing break. It can be very empowering to physically take this tool with you (e.g. written on a paper, or as a wallpaper on your phone).

Remember whenever you become aware of the trigger (e.g. social comparison to superior) and the reaction (e.g. feeling bad about myself), there is an opportunity to intervene and create positive change. Becoming aware of when we compare ourselves to others and how it impacts us, how much we enjoy climbing and, hence, our performance, is a crucial step in order to change something in our behaviour. Only if we are aware of what affects us negatively, we can change our reactions.

Here are two more examples of two competition climbers and how they deal with social comparisons:

”Social comparison is a behaviour which is deeply rooted in us human beings; we do it either consciously, or without noticing, but in any case every day. Especially in sports, comparing yourself to others is often associated with being too competitive, focusing too little on oneself, and creating too much pressure. However, I’ve made the experience that it can also be very motivating and beneficial for my training. If I see how my training partner does a move easily that I thought to be impossible, it makes me believe that I can do it as well, and it pushes me to try really hard once more - and suddenly I might stick the move too!

Team trainings or climbing sessions with friends are about finding solutions together and learning from each other, and not about counting the moves we did faster than our training colleagues. Of course, as a competitive athlete, I kind of love the excitement of comparing my performance to others. As long as it stays on a healthy level, there is nothing bad about it.

And always remember, everyone has bad days and good sessions, the only thing that matters is that you’ve made progress and learnt something new at the end of the day.”

– Eva Hammelmüller, 20 year old pro climber from Austria

 “I really appreciate the discussion about comparison. Especially as athletes, it’s almost inevitable for us to compare ourselves to one another – whether in a positive or negative light. I’ve really struggled with this over the years, and still do. Crazy how seeing a picture of someone can make you feel worse about yourself, or lead you into a “spiral”. On the other hand, knowing your worth and having confidence in your own abilities (regardless of what others can do) is so important, especially when working towards goals. For me, I go through days of comparison, and days of confidence, and I think people should know that it is normal to ride this wave. I’m looking forward to your next posts about this topic! Just wanted to share that it’s so common among climbers / athletes!”

– Indiana Chapman, member of the Canadian Youth Climbing Team

We hope with this blogpost we could give you some insights, better understanding on social comparison and help you to better deal with it’s impact. Let us know your thoughts on this topic.